


Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things

by chicafrom3



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Hope, Introspection, Narcissism, POV First Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-17
Updated: 2006-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-18 03:50:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicafrom3/pseuds/chicafrom3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zaphod reflects on Trillian, love, and improbability. "Life, The Universe, and Everything", end of chapter 26.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Excitement and Adventure and Really Wild Things

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINAL TEXT:  
> "You want to come? Heart of Gold? Excitement and adventure and really wild things?"  
> "I'm going down to Krikkit," she said.

"You want to come? _Heart of Gold_? Excitement and adventure and really wild things?"

Please say yes.

Please come with me.

I can't promise you much, baby, but it'll be exciting.

And I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to do it alone.

I don't like being alone.

Yeah, I know what you'd say to that—"So then come along with us, Zaphod. Help us and we'll all do it together."

Well, I'm afraid of dying, too, so _there_! Anyway the Universe can take care of itself, right? And if not then Ford and Slartibartfast and the monkey can take care of it. They don't need you and me.

We can just...leave.

We can just go, baby.

And it'll be exciting.

So please say yes.

I do love you, you know, Trill.

I'm not good at showing it. I know that. Hell, I'm zarking lousy at it. I'm self-absorbed and egocentric and thoughtless and stupid and a show-off and you deserve better than me.

But I do love you.

I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I've met some damned beautiful women in my time. I know you're brilliant, light-years smarter than me, and without your help I couldn't have gotten even half as far as I've gotten. You make me laugh and you make me brave and you just plain make me a better person.

Anyway, it hasn't been so bad, has it? Being with me? I mean, I saved you from dying when your planet was destroyed. And because of me you found out the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. And I took you to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe. And because of me you've gotten the chance to see the stars and play with the Infinite Improbability Drive, the most awesome technology ever. And, zark it, I'm just a cool frood, right? I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, baby!

And we're all entwined in this Improbability Field, so I can dare to hope that you love me. Whatever's most improbable is, logically, most likely to happen...so it's not that impossible anymore that you could love me like I love you...

Please, Trill.

Please say you'll come with me.

To Belgium with the rest of the Universe! All I care about is you and me and a wild adventure.

That's what I promised you in the beginning.

Do you remember that?

 _Hey, doll, is this guy boring you? Why don't you talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet._

 _Really?_

 _Do you want to go along with me?_

 _Yes, okay. Wait a moment while I go get my bag and then I'll be happy to go to another planet with you._

 _Forget your bag, baby. You won't need it where we're going. I can promise you excitement and adventure and really wild things. So are you in?_

 _...I'm in._

I don't think either of us really knew what we were getting into, then. You probably thought I was an amusing drunk, or a lunatic; I thought you'd just be a one-night stand; neither of our lives was ever the same.

And here we are now.

We've met the man who runs the Universe. We've found the legendary planet-builders of Magrathea. We've stolen the coolest ship in all the galaxies. We've rescued hitchhikers on the verge of death and then discovered that they were my semicousin and your spurned suitor.

I've made you famous.

I've made your life miserable.

I've given you reasons to hate me.

I've given you reasons to love me...or at least I hope I have.

And I know I screwed up something awful, baby, but I'm sorry, okay? I was depressed and I was aimless and my life had no meaning left and I didn't _want_ to screw things up with you, I didn't want you to leave me, but oddly enough that much alcohol seems to screw with my judgment...

So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't go out with you on Han Wavel for gambling and spending time at the hotels. I'm sorry I didn't go trekking with you on Allosimanius Syneca. I'm sorry I didn't eat the meal you made for me and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you.

I'm sorry.

I'll try harder.

I know I come across as conceited and insensitive, Trillian baby, but it's only because I don't know any other way to be. Maybe I did, once, before I decided I had to be President, before I lobotomized myself, before I killed the part of me that cared, but now I don't know any other way to be. I don't know anymore how to show you that I care about you. I don't know how to be the guy you need me to be.

Someday the Universe won't need to be saved, and when that day comes you have to know that I'll still be there to take you away for a life of passion and exhilaration and danger that isn't really. But mostly I'll still be there. No matter what...I'll still be there. If you'll have me.

You deserve better.

But I'm what's here.

So say yes, beautiful.

Say yes and come away with me and let the Universe save itself.

Say yes and come have an exciting time with me on the _Heart of Gold_ , running from cops and press.

Say yes and come be the love of the President of the Universe.

Please, Trillian.

Please don't leave me.

I'm so afraid of being alone.

Please.

Just say _yes_.

Just say _yes_ and this will all be over...

Chances that you'll say _yes_ : 2 to the power of 523,349,988 to one against.

But there is the power of the Infinite Improbability Drive to contend with.

So say _yes_ , Trill. Say _yes_ and let's leave together and never come back.

"I'm going down to Krikkit."


End file.
